I am blessed to have a husband who not only brought up the idea of me taking a class at his seminary but he encouraged me to do so. Yup, he's pretty great but this little note is not about him =)
I am auditing a seminary class this week called Worship and the Faith Community. Today I re-entered the scholastic arena for the first time in oh about 7 or 8 years. Yikes! I love to learn and love worship so after getting my ministry life covered I responded to my husbands prompting and registered for class. I was excited about learning, about being in a classroom setting again, nervous about meeting new people and bummed that I didn't have a fun new lunch box for my first day.
I arrived early and got my little spot all setup. Computer - check, Coffee - check, Bible - Check check. Everything was in order and I was ready to learn. I had no idea what lay ahead of me.
The class began and I busily typed my notes on the computer. As the prof began to share with us a life of learning he had done, I felt myself become quite overwhelmed and yet on the edge of my seat all at the same time. He took us to the most fundamental and biblical understanding of worship, something so simple and yet so profound. He took us on a journey from the OT to the NT as we looked at God's hand and character stamped on it's worship, illustrating once again our unchanging God. He ended class abruptly and early asking us if were done, 7 hours in a classroom can do that to a person. However, I sat there for a minute trying to figure out if I was fried or just completely overwhelmed and trying to process all that God had taught me. It was overwhelmed.
I slowly packed up my things and made my way to the car. As I walked out I tried to process and digest all that I had learned. I was trying to figure out the implications for myself and then for the Body of Christ in which I minister, I had nothing. It was a deluge of information and biblical truth, but I didn't know what to do with it all. I got in my car, the prof nearby getting into his, the minute I was situated I knew I needed to start driving. I had this hallow and empty feeling at the core of me, what had I let worship become? What had I made it? And how had I let my perspective of God become so askew forgetting that I could only but throw myself at His feet for His mercy? As I drove away all I could say was "I'm sorry Lord!" It was then that I wept before God.
Never before in my Christian walk can I remember being silent before the Lord, being totally overwhelmed by His glory and perfection. Acknowledging that I have nothing to offer Him and He is lacking NOTHING without me. I am nothing. The realization and recognition of the infinite chasm that stands between myself and God, that I can do nothing about it. That although He in no way needs me, in His love and mercy He extends grace to me through His Son Jesus Christ and calls me His child.
Yet even after all that, it is only through God's revelation of Himself to me that I may respond by throwing myself prostrate before Him in submission and surrender. It is then and only then that I have begun to worship.
So prostrate before the Lord tonight on my drive home, I had to turn the radio off and ride in silence before the Lord. There were no words for what I was feeling but more importantly there were no words to describe this God who amazingly, although He does not need me or anything I have to offer, He not only wants me but has chosen me to be His child and to love me with an infinite love. There are no words that do Him justice - He is God and that should be enough to bring us to shachah.
